As much as I enjoy Pride and Prejudice, I’ve often found myself wondering what was Jane Austen’s problem. I mean, where is the sex? It’s a wonderful story, yes, most people think that. But nobody gets their leg over. That is so crazy! They’re all British! Everyone knows the Brits are massive perverts. Look at that Henry VIII guy – he had like 50 wives, and all his sex stuff was so dirty and gross he had James Bond chop off their heads so nobody would ever know…. His terrible secret. So terrible.

So, yes, Pride and Prejudice without sex and nookie and makeouts is a most terrible idea. Luckily for us, an inspired author has seen fit to take that dry musty classic, and smear some old timey Spanish fly all over it, so everyone gets all het up and bursts out of their petticoats so Darcy can motorboat them.

It’s a real thing! Look here and be amazed.

Personally, I’m quite happy that one of English literatures defining classics has be re-written to include dirty parts. It opens up a whole new field for me. Yes constant reader, I am going to dip my toe into these tepid bacteria infested waters, and take old stories and insert completely unnecessary bits of tawdriness into them. It’s a sure fire money maker. Observe!

Fagin stayed his hand from laying a 6 pack of whupass on old Oliver twist. Much as he enjoyed hitting people with sticks, he knew he could put Olivers talents to work in much better ways.

“Oy, Oliver, here’s a fiver. Head down to the corner shop and get me a pack of ciggies and a nudie magazine, I needs me a wank. Oh and a box of tissues!”

See, classy stuff. Louise and I talked about it last night, and we also came up with some scenarios involving dudes getting wuthered on the moor, and as well some frightfully erotic bits with someone being tickled and tantalized with a bulrush.

Ugh, sarcasm over. MOST TERRIBLE IDEA EVER! WHAT THE HELL WORLD!!!!!!

As pandering and terrible as the idea of the Wild and Wanton series is, it gave me 20 minutes of silly jokes I could make last night to make her smile. Which really, is my #1 job.

Generally that means that he’s taking whatever meat we’ve bought, and separating/packaging it for the freezer. Because I can’t stand handling raw meat. It squicks me SO out.

Next thing you know, both dogs have flown off the couch and are sitting in the kitchen, staring intently at Rob. And I hear:

“Oh yeah, guys. I forgot to tell you! Today’s the day that I’ve decided that instead of bothering to wrap it up, I’m just going to throw the whole thing of raw hamburger on the floor for you!”

(pause, with only the thumping sound of their joyous tail-wags breaking the silence)

” *sigh* Keep dreaming.”

Are you male or female:

She

Describe yourself:

Daydream Believer

How do you feel about yourself:

I Wanna Be Free

Describe where you currently live:

Tear Drop City

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:

Pleasant Valley Sunday

Your best friend is:

Sweet Young Thing

Your favorite color is:

Nine Times Blue

You know that:

You Can’t Judge A Book By Looking At The Cover

Whats the weather like:

Sunny Girlfriend

If your life were a TV show, it would be called:

She Hangs Out

What is life to you:

Daily Nightly

What is the best advice you have to give:

Look Out (Here Comes Tomorrow)

If you could change your name, what would it be:

Your Auntie Grizelda

Your favorite food is:

Apples, Peaches, Bananas and Pears

Your favorite time of day:

Sometime In The Morning

And just as a special treat, my favourite word:

Propinquity

… sounds like a movie title, doesn’t it?

Have you ever been looking something up on, say, Wikipedia, and then you follow a link, and another link, and another link, and so on and so forth, and you end up reading about something you never expected to ever read about in your life?

Yeah. I was chatting with DJ last night and she was privy to this all as it went down.

I started out looking up olives. Don’t ask why, I just did. Somehow, I ended up learning about corpses that weren’t embalmed (not like Lenin or Eva Peron – they were embalmed), but didn’t decompose. In the Catholic church, they’re called “The Incorruptibles”. I won’t get into explanations (it’s fascinating reading if you want to look it up yourself) but I am now obsessed with looking up photos of them on the Internet. Which can’t be healthy.

(I’m going to post a photo or two after the jump. Please don’t go looking if this kind of thing freaks you out.)

born Bernadette Soubirous in Lourdes, France. Died 1879. After her death, Bernadette?s body remained ?incorruptible?.

(the thing here is that they have make-up on her, it’s been admitted, to protect from the lights and stuff).

Died c. 350. Little is known about Silvan except that he was martyred.

I think the most realistic one though is Zita. Because they didn’t put any makeup or anything on her and she looks like a mummy.

hahhahahaha

I think it’s hilarious that I still remember the birthdays of every member of New Kids On The Block.
Today is Donnie Wahlberg’s. He’s now 39.

hahhahahaha

I feel that my blog is vastly boring: Complain about car, talk about Big Brother (UK NOT US!), complain about still being stuck here. I’m also not feeling great at the moment (surprise!), which is never comfortable when you’re not in your own home, and am dealing with some unbloggable stuff. Am I cryptic enough? I guarantee you 74% that I am going to end up feeling really uncomfortable with this post later. Actually I feel kind of uncomfortable with it now.

Anyway, whatever. If you’ve said hi to me on MSN and been ignored, you know what it is. If you’ve been getting hits from me all crazy-like, same deal. If you are surprised that I’ve noticed, you should maybe actually learn about the Internet.

AAAAAAAAAND, the 20% connection isn’t working again! So this will be posted when I can re-connect.

Alrighty I’m giving up on that. We’ve had a good day although it didn’t turn out to be the beautiful sunny day we were promised. It’s raining, but warm, which is fine I suppose.

Embarassing admission of the day: I like Journey. I do. Steve Perry and his leopard print, everything (or, as my husband put it when I made him watch this video – and yeah. go to 2:24. Does the dude have kids? I’m willing to bed… no-: “Holy crap, Steve Penis Perry, leave a little to the imagination why dontcha?”). All fine by me… okay maybe the pants could’ve been a bit less… snug. You can’t have it all.

Steve Perry left the band in the 80s sometime, did his solo stuff, then came back, then left again in the mid-90s, and they’ve had a couple of other lead singers since then. They just released a new album (2 CDs + a DVD actually) called “Revelation”. It was $11 at Wal-Mart today and yeah, I bought it. I was blown away by how good the old songs sounded with the new singer, whose name is Arnel Pineda. So I did a little checking around for him and found this news story:

Anyway. I like. I’m a dork. It’s okay.

Little things annoy me at times.

The latest little thing is the amount of memory that our computer has. Realistically, we’re doing quite well, sitting at 1.75 GB of memory. Things scoot along nice and quickly on our wee little rig. Still, it annyos me. Partly because it’s that odd number. 2 Gigs of memory is a nicer rounder number.

The second reason to be annoyed is actually a reasonable reason. We’re running DDR2, which should be run in matching pairs for optimal performance. However, one of the pairs we have aren’t matched. We lost a stick about a year ago, and ended up only being able to get a single 512 to replace it. Then I picked up a pair of 512′s at work, which brought us to the current number.

Eventually we’re going to need to do a computer memory upgrade – pull the 256 stick, get it a homie it can hang with. All things being equal, it’ll be a nice performance boost, and as well, the odd number won’t bug me any more. Rock.

Anyhoo, the blogs new official name is Jeez Louise. Along with that, there’s a new url – http://jeezlouise.net. Feel free to update bookmarks accordingly.

Oh, for the time being, don’t try http://www.jeez-louise.net. The www apparently wasn’t added when the host updated things. This will be fixed, but will take many support tickets and boxes of animal crackers for bribes.

That is all. Continue on as if you were normal.