Jeez Louise

I haven’t worn a pair of high heeled shoes in years. Back when I did wear them, I was in my early 20s and they pretty much never cost any more than $15. Cheap Wal-Mart shoes. The last pair I wore (after many years of not) were at our wedding – they were very comfortable, but you can’t wear white satin pumps every day. I gave up on them probably at about the time when chunky heels became passé. I already have balance problems – balancing on stiletto heels is just not going to happen.
When I have ventured back, with the exception of my wedding shoes, any pair I have tried on has been immensely uncomfortable and nearly impossible to walk in.
Now I realize that that was probably due to the quality of the shoes themselves than the style. Considering the last pair I wore before the wedding were remarkably like this:

… well, I think the reasoning behind the discomfort is… ahem… clear. And no, I didn’t choose these for myself. They were part of an unfortunate bridesmaid’s ensemble, and were chosen for me by the bride who wore platform flip-flops under her shoe-hiding dress.

Anyway. Yesterday I went to a department store looking for jeans. I only own one pair of jeans, which I bought for $10 three years ago, and they’re getting pretty old now. They’re still okay for work (I have been wearing them every single Casual Friday), but I can tell that in a month or so they will have crossed the line from “still professional albeit about an inch too short due to repeated washings” to “worn knee area giving way in front of a roomful of 8th graders, giving teacher that delightful Joey Russo look:

All together now: Whoa!

Unfortunately, the department stores in our area are not following Stacey and Clinton’s rules for jeans. The only jeans they seem to be carrying in the plus size section are skinny jeans (OMG what is the irony of size 18/20 SKINNY JEANS?) or Mom Jeans with elastic waistbands. And the colours… I had the choice between bright pink, this terrible colour (although not the suspenders), and greyish black.

All I want is a pair of jeans that are a nice colour, that fit me properly (which is difficult in the best of times, since I have a much smaller waist when compared to my hips) and that don’t give me camel toe or look like I’m waiting for a flood. Is that too much to ask?

Anyway. After the failed Jeans Expedition of 2010, I decided to go look at shoes. Things always go a bit better with shoes – at least I know approximately what size I take (a 9, if they’re sufficiently wide…9.5 or 10 if not). To be honest, the shoes I’ve been wearing for the past two years are these:

And they’re comfy, but they’re not really… stylish. And I want to be less shlumpy. Which I’m fully aware I am. I don’t know how to do that, though (I obviously do need the What Not To Wear people to come and help me with that), all that well.

BUT!

I found out that high-heeled shoes aren’t as uncomfortable as I remember. This possibly has to do with the fact that I was trying on shoes that aren’t made of plastic and cardboard. They weren’t six-inch heels or anything, just one or two, but they were very, very comfortable, and (I think) kind of nice looking.
I must have tried on about 10 pair. The only pair I can find a picture of online are these:
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(they come in black and brown).

I love them. But they were a little outside of the budget I’d set for jeans (WHICH I DIDN’T GET), and besides, if I got them, then I’d have to save up all over again for a pair of jeans (not that I’m saving my pennies for years to buy pants, but I have this odd quirk where I like to set myself a budget and stick to it and sometimes it takes a few weeks of setting aside $10 here and there before I’ll let myself get the thing that I want.

And then later in the day, the battery of our car died and we needed a new one – so it’s a good thing I didn’t purchase either shoes or jeans during the day, because instead we spent our money on a car battery. Which is decidedly unfashionable and less than cute.