block

I am such a slacker.

I started knitting baby blankets for my friend N at the end of last May. She was having twins, due in July. I got one finished in mid-June. The second was halfway done by the time the babies were born, on July 4th. Then we went on a trip, and I decided I’d relax a bit and enjoy my vacation, then I had my surgery, and I haven’t picked up my knitting needles since. At this pace those babies will be teenagers looking for the best acne treatment available before I’m done with their gift.

I keep trying to figure out what it is that’s causing me to recoil every time I go near the baby blankets. Literally, I think about picking the second blanket up again and getting started on it, and I feel a little nauseous. The possibilities are… finite. Before being given the word that I would absolutely never have children, I was able to do this. Now that I know I’ll never be a mom, I seem to have some sort of block. I realize that I won’t ever do this for my own children and it hurts, so I don’t bother knitting.

It’s selfish and silly. I have to get back to it. But not today.

October 11th, 2009 Louise Posted in Infertile Myrtle

3 Responses | Add your Own

  • 1 bethany actually yazmış:
    October 11th, 2009 saat: 10:26 am

    I don’t really know what to say. I just wanted you to know I’m here, reading and sighing in sympathy (in the best sense of the word).

  • 2 Nancy P yazmış:
    October 11th, 2009 saat: 2:46 pm

    I know there are no words for this. The best I can do is send loving thoughts your way.
    Also,it is not selfish or silly. It is real and it hurts and you are human.

  • 3 DJ yazmış:
    October 11th, 2009 saat: 5:46 pm

    Grief doesn’t understand time. It’s on it’s own schedule and all you can do is ride it out.