Jeez Louise

A common thread in the comments of the last post was “Hey! Stop apologizing! Write about what you want to write about! That’s what blogs are for!”. I wanted to thank you for those comments, and maybe explain a little bit why I get like that.

I think, because it has happened that people have emailed or commented to call me debbie downer and a drama llama (that one’s awesome, with the rhyming) when I’ve written here about being upset/bad things happening, I took it to heart and I now don’t like to reveal that side very much on the blog. And I will admit that sometimes my posts WERE dramatic, because what I was feeling at the time that I wrote them was huge inside of me, if that makes sense. I very much feel a pressure (mainly internal, admittedly) to NOT be a downer, and to not be overdramatic. So I try to be entertaining. Even when I’m writing posts that are sad for me, I tend to be flippant and jokey. It’s not because the situations hurt any less, but because it hurts to be seen as trying to incite pity for whatever reason, when I am not trying to do that. I’m not saying “No one ever tell me you’re sorry!” because it’s good to know that there are people who can empathize. I just don’t want people to think I’m writing with the purpose of “Oh everyone look at me! Pity me! Tell me I’m awesome!” because that’s not what I’m trying to do, and I’m sorry if that’s how I come off.

Okay. I just sent the above to Rob with the note “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY!” and he wrote back “You’re apologizing for apologizing?” and I answered “UUUUUUUUUUUUURGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH” because it’s true, I was! And then he said “it’s a feature of your crazily low self esteem, that you see your issues and yourself as being of lower importance than other peoples’. And it makes you feel that you’re bothering them with your troubles because you think that your troubles aren’t important.”

I don’t know how to do this properly. I am saying thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for your empathy, and thank you for putting up with me and understanding when I apologize for apologizing.

And, because you’ve read this far, CUTE PUPPY PHOTOS!

This is what they were like when we got them. All docile and shy:

Now they are wacky little dudes who think it’s awesome to eat the rug and sleep in the TV stand:

… and they are awesome and we love them. Very much.