I’ve been putting off writing about my surgery and the results, because writing it down makes it real, and makes it permanent. At first it was easy to delay, because HELLO PAIN PILLS! How do you do? You love me, don’t you, Pain Pills? Well, I kinda love you too. In a platonic sort of way. Oh heck, who are we kidding? Come to me. Oh yes. Come here to me. It’s okay. Rob will never know.

But eventually you’ve gotta get off the pain pill train. I’m mainly there now (still taking a couple a day, but that’s less than four). I can’t do a whole lot of anything yet. I’m fine when I’m sitting down or standing up, if I’m perfectly still, but any kind of movement makes the ‘scrutiatin pain shoot through me. We went to the grocery store yesterday and after about 20 minutes I was sweating and shaking and ready to just be still for awhile. Had to find something else to distract me.

So mainly, I watch old TV shows (Punky Brewster and Family Ties have been on heavy rotation), or go outside with the dogs, walking very, very slowly (and trying not to jostle my huge gut), or read (Ms. Deirdre sent me a bunch of books, and I’m plowing through them), or watch movies. I enjoyed Funny People, even though it was long. The longer the better! That means less time spent consciously trying to cram myself into a state of denial! The exception to the “Long Movies are A-OK with Me” rule is Meet Joe Black. That sucker is LONG, and it seems like most of that time is spent with Brad Pitt wearing a tuxedo and eating peanut butter. Then again the last time I attempted to watch it was about 10 years ago. Maybe I’m more mature now and can handle it better. I’m not going to try and find out, though.

So! All this just to say: I’m not ready yet. I will be. Soon. Just not right now.