Here’s what happened yesterday, for those of you who are interested (also – images!). I’m about to get all graphic up in here so look away if you’re squeamish.

First I had to take everything off and wear a johnny shirt and robe. Then walk through the hallway in my j-shirt and robe, hoping my butt wasn’t showing. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. Got into the x-ray room, and there was my RE! She was wearing a fancy lead suit so as not to be exposed to the x rays! It was all very stylish. She complimented me on my socks (I wear silly socks – it amuses me). Then down to business. Speculum – okay, not bad. Clamp on my cervix to hold it open – UUUUUUUUUGH. RE said that my cervix “moves beautifully”, whatever that means (should I maybe submit it to Dancing with the Stars? I’m sure my cervix could out-foxtrot Kim Kardashian any day) . Then a cone-like thing was put in there, for putting the medical dye through with. Fun. Wait, not fun. PAINFUL.

Then, with all this stuff just kind of hanging out of my body, and RE hanging out RIGHT THERE, we had to wait 10 minutes for the x-ray technician to show up and start taking pictures. Here is how that conversation went:
“So, Louise, do you think we’re going to get this storm they’re predicting for tonight? (I am right here and so is YOUR VAGINA)”.
“Oh, I don’t know – last time they predicted a storm we got nothing, and I had my hopes up for having a day at work to do paperwork but it didn’t happen (also, how are you enjoying hanging around with MY VAGINA?)”.

Now before we go further I will show you what a regular HSG looks like, if nothing’s blocked and everything’s working properly. I have a hard time putting images on here so it might look all wonky. What happens is that they put dye up through the cervix, and then that dye pretty rapidly goes through the fallopian tubes and out through the ends, escaping into the “body cavity”. So here’s an x-ray of that, which I got off the Internet:

Now here’s how mine went (these illustrations are my own, since I don’t have my actual x rays with me):

First she put the dye in. And said “Hmm, that’s a small cavity”. Because you saw the size of that uterus up there? Mine was like, half that width. First time in my life that ANYTHING on my body has been “petite”.

Then she had me turn over onto my side to see if there was a better view, but there wasn’t:

When all the xrays were taken, the weirdest thing. “Louise, I’m just going to break this speculum instead of taking it out whole – they’re disposable and it’s easier to remove everything that way”. So I hear all this cracking of plastic coming from my nether regions. Bizarre.

Oh yeah! The fact that I have a tiny uterus that the doctor isn’t sure if it’s deformed or not, and one tube not showing up on the x ray at all and the other one showing up but maybe being blocked at the end because the ink didn’t come out of it, but maybe it’s just that there wasn’t enough ink put in? Next up RE wants to do laparoscopic surgery to see for sure what’s going on in there, because things were definitely not normal during the HSG.

Today I am in a lot of pain, still bleeding, and just really upset and disappointed. I can’t think of what else to say to end this post – at this moment, I’m sad, and that’s all. All the worst-case scenarios are running through my head, and I’m feeling negative. SO, I’m gonna not have comments on this because I would probably just cry if people told me they were sorry (I appreciate it), and I would probably feel badly (not because of you, but because of me) hearing “it could still happen” or “there are other options”, and, even though on one hand getting those comments would make me sad, it would probably make me just as sad if I did leave comments open and didn’t get any at all. Call me quixotic. I guess if anyone needs to say something to me, they could email or use the contact form, but really? I don’t expect it.

So for today: I’m sad (snow day, at least, so I don’t have to deal with being “on” all day). Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.

Tomorrow: That goddamn 25 things about me meme that I have been tagged by 900 people on Facebook (DON’T WORRY I DON’T REALLY HAVE 900 FACEBOOK FRIENDS THAT WOULD BE CRAZY) to do, so I kind of have to do it lest I look like a total assmitten.