Once I’ve finally escaped this squalor, I could probably make a bundle if I branded myself. Think of it. Who out there wouldn’t want a fantastic Judd Nelson-endorsed luxury waterbed, with, of course, a Judd Nelson poster to hang on the ceiling?

Maybe I could inspire a pair (or actually, two pair, seeing as I’ve got four feet– everyone should, you know) of wicked sneakers. Or some slammin’ sunglasses.

Time for me to call up my peeps to do me up a little market research. Judd Nelson out.