Last night I dreamed that I was one of the judges on Dancing With The Stars. Judging alongside me were The World’s First Supermodel Janice Dickinson ™ and Chuck Berry, pioneer of rock ‘n’ roll (and secret peeing-lady watcher).

In my dream, Janice had braces. Chuck was just Chuck. All Chuckified. One of the competitors was Elle MacPherson. Chuck was the first judge to speak, saying that she did well. Next it was Janice’s turn. Janice criticized Elle’s HEAD off! She was all “Your smile is fake and you have a fake tan and I am the world’s first supermodel and you’re nowhere near my caliber and your spins were HORRIBLE and that was not a good Samba at all plus you are wearing ratty hair extensions and I am not a crack addict but I did Do It with Sylvester Stallone and Mick Jagger also you need to really practice your footwork and your posture was terrible!”

And then? Elle challenged her to a dance-off. Which I missed, because just at that moment, my alarm clock started screaming at me.