Alrighty.
I love my relative. I really do. She is great. HOWEVER she is stupid stupid stupid when it comes to men. She’s almost 37, but I swear she acts like a 14 year old.
She and her husband split up almost two years ago, after 13 yrs. of marriage. The guy was fucking around on her. He hasn’t paid a cent of child support since he left and quits any job he has before the government can garnish his wages. That’s not the point of this though.
She started dating this guy last year. They were saying “I love you” after literally one week of chatting on MSN. BEFORE they met. First time they met, they were in the old sack. With her three children in the house (sleeping, but still). They dated long-distance (three, four hour commute) for a little over a year– then he dumped her via email. Basically saying the distance was too much for him and even though he loved her with all his heart, “Some people are meant to be in your life for a season, some for a lifetime. I guess you were a season… and I’m sorry”.
So she was completely zombified after that. They’d been talking about getting married, moving to the same place, her getting work where he lives (because he has two children under the age of three living with their mother and he doesn’t want to be far from them… but oh! she can move her three kids away from their schools and families to be with him!) but he decided that it was over. Blocked her from his phone, from his email, etc. etc. etc.
Today she gets an email from him, after over 7 months of no contact, asking how she’s doing, if she’s dating anyone, bla bla bla. She asks a few questions. Turns out he’s been dating this girl for about two months now, and is living with her, but wants to break up with her, but he can’t right now because he doesn’t have anyplace else to live. But he realizes his mistake and totally wants A. back.
Personally? Well I can’t say what I’d have done, personally. If Rob ever left me and then wanted to get back together I would say yes right away because I love him so much but I can’t even see that being in the realm of possibility. The thing is that I will never leave Rob because I don’t like to travel, and if he ever leaves me, I’m going with him, so there’s no possibility of it 
But I would like to think that after the shitty way he treated her she would say “Fuck you, stubby. Talk to me when you’ve got your own place”.
DID SHE SAY THAT? NO.
She *did* say “I don’t want to get my heart broken again so we’ll have to talk” but THAT MEANS NOTHING TO THIS GUY. Of course he’ll say “Oh darling I will never do that I was so wrong” if it means having her back! But I can tell you that this is a guy who is very selfish and thinks only of himself and I just KNOW (okay I don’t KNOW, but I SUSPECT!) that he is going to end up breaking her heart again.
And I can’t stand it! I just want her to be happy, and I don’t see this leading to that… but like I said, in alot of ways when it comes to guys she is a fourteen year old. She’s not likely to listen to anyone’s advice if it’s not advice saying to take him back right now.
So I’ve been biting my tongue and listening to her rave about how great it’s going to be. She’s already brought up the subject (to me, not to him) of moving to where he lives. After having exchanged a few emails with him eight hours ago. All I’ve said is “Be careful with your heart. You deserve so much happiness and I’d hate to see you heartbroken again”.
I’m not looking for advice or anything here, just wanted to vent. After all, I am not my brother’s keeper; it’s her life and she has to live it the way that makes her happy. And hey, I might be 100% wrong. They might be together forever and ever and live a life full of unadulterated joy and bliss. I hope they do.
It’s sad to see people get so wrapped up that they can’t see straight. And there’s really nothing much anyone can do. From the way you’ve described it, the guy’s a loser and she’s going to get burnt again. I suppose the only thing you could venture to say to her is, think of the kids…
Unfortunately the heart is not ruled by logic and reason. I would be far more pissed at him than at her, however – HE seems to be simply taking advantage, SHE is simply hoping this person she loves will love her back every bit as much. It’s a sad story.
two words: SELF ESTEEM. I would have been like that in my twenties, but finally wised up around 30 (and I dont think this is unusual, if anything I was late!). the good news: she CANT move to him, he has no home. if he actually does want to be with her (or even just get free rent)…he has to come to her. At least the mistake wont be uprooting her family. Doesnt she also see that he is living with another woman? What does that say about his fidelity? She ought to put her kids’s needs (and it would be hard to justify moving for THEM) before her own on this one. Hey, what about me NOT being judgemental and keeping my trap shut?
by the way…good job being supportive. Despite my online mouthiness, I really would do the same thing (In real life). Some of us have to learn by banging our heads against hard objects. It might just be her “path” and YOU really dont want to take ownership that…she needs to figure out how to do that (pain is a good teacher, I’ve found). I just feel REALLY sorry for her kids…but they’ll most likely survive.