One of the downfalls of being 30, having spent nearly 2 years on a drug that you’re not supposed to take for any long amount of time, and loving to eat is this:
MY HIPS!
So I have decided that for the wedding, I need a girdle.
Yes, a GIRDLE. Like your grandma would wear. I’ve tried Spanx, but they’re not great for someone who is bigger than a size 14. Sure, Oprah wears them, but Oprah also is a space alien.
I saw an infomercial for this thing, which seemed awesome! They even had fat ladies trying them on! Fat ladies like me! I LOOK JUST LIKE THE BEFORE PICTURE! LOOK AT THE AFTER PICTURE THAT COULD BE ME!!!!!!! WOO! I got all excited. Then I did a little research, like the savvy consumer I am (yeah right you’re talking to the lady who bought her WEDDING DRESS off eBAY) and found out that it will hurt me. I don’t want pain on my wedding day! I will have enough problems! Plus, I’d like to actually use the washroom if I need to.
So yeah. Don’t know what I’m gonna do. But I do know I won’t be buying informercial underpants! No sir, not me.
I feel your pain. Before my sister’s wedding I bought this black spandex contraption from Target that was supposed to keep everything from my stomach to my upper thighs in place. I ended up pulling the dang thing up to my bra and found bending over to be quite difficult the entire time I was wearing it. On the upside, my slinky dress glided right over it so there weren’t any really obvious sticking spots.
Unfortunately it’s one of those things that just don’t seem to have a win/win solution. Beauty is pain my friend
Talk about rave reviews of a product! Those testimonials are a hoot — mainly because the company actually published them online!
Funny, I wrote about FLAB yesterday. Me and my spare tire.
I love you so much Louise, I am making you a list.
1) you are beautiful inside and out
2) i’ve had a love affair with both lasagna and my treadmill, and let me tell you – lasagna loves me unconditionally, and treadmill is hectoring sarcastic harpy. Who do you think I chose?
3) your day is going to be glorious.
4)
5) did I mention you are gorgeous? cause you are. Gorgeous. So there.
Scrubby
If you like, are really big on looking thinner or whatever for your wedding day.. which you shouldnt really worry about because like, you are GORGEOUS, then (and this will sound so 19th century but..) get a corset. Not like, one of those “would you like your waist to be 18 inches?” type things, but those bustier-corset things that they sell everywhere nowadays from La Senza to fancy underpantsie stores.
I have this awesome corset that I had made as a top (ie, not underpants) for a formal I went to a couple of years ago. OMG that thing is my best friend. Not only is it the only thing other than a bra that I have ever found that can sucessfully hold up my FREAKING HUGE DDD boobs (and even provides super hot clevage), but you can cinch it tightly at the waist and give yourself this awesome hourglass figure. So long as you dont do it up too tight it wont hurt.. and even if you do cinch it too tight you wont have any of that annoying riding-up or fat-overhang that characterizes those stupid Spanx things. Which are USELESS.
Anyway, I swear they dont hurt. They feel a little constraining and make you sit up straight, but I find them 1000 times more comfortable than Spanx stuff.