Alrighty.

I love my relative. I really do. She is great. HOWEVER she is stupid stupid stupid when it comes to men. She’s almost 37, but I swear she acts like a 14 year old.

She and her husband split up almost two years ago, after 13 yrs. of marriage. The guy was fucking around on her. He hasn’t paid a cent of child support since he left and quits any job he has before the government can garnish his wages. That’s not the point of this though.

She started dating this guy last year. They were saying “I love you” after literally one week of chatting on MSN. BEFORE they met. First time they met, they were in the old sack. With her three children in the house (sleeping, but still). They dated long-distance (three, four hour commute) for a little over a year– then he dumped her via email. Basically saying the distance was too much for him and even though he loved her with all his heart, “Some people are meant to be in your life for a season, some for a lifetime. I guess you were a season… and I’m sorry”.
So she was completely zombified after that. They’d been talking about getting married, moving to the same place, her getting work where he lives (because he has two children under the age of three living with their mother and he doesn’t want to be far from them… but oh! she can move her three kids away from their schools and families to be with him!) but he decided that it was over. Blocked her from his phone, from his email, etc. etc. etc.

Today she gets an email from him, after over 7 months of no contact, asking how she’s doing, if she’s dating anyone, bla bla bla. She asks a few questions. Turns out he’s been dating this girl for about two months now, and is living with her, but wants to break up with her, but he can’t right now because he doesn’t have anyplace else to live. But he realizes his mistake and totally wants A. back.

Personally? Well I can’t say what I’d have done, personally. If Rob ever left me and then wanted to get back together I would say yes right away because I love him so much but I can’t even see that being in the realm of possibility. The thing is that I will never leave Rob because I don’t like to travel, and if he ever leaves me, I’m going with him, so there’s no possibility of it
But I would like to think that after the shitty way he treated her she would say “Fuck you, stubby. Talk to me when you’ve got your own place”.

DID SHE SAY THAT? NO.
She *did* say “I don’t want to get my heart broken again so we’ll have to talk” but THAT MEANS NOTHING TO THIS GUY. Of course he’ll say “Oh darling I will never do that I was so wrong” if it means having her back! But I can tell you that this is a guy who is very selfish and thinks only of himself and I just KNOW (okay I don’t KNOW, but I SUSPECT!) that he is going to end up breaking her heart again.

And I can’t stand it! I just want her to be happy, and I don’t see this leading to that… but like I said, in alot of ways when it comes to guys she is a fourteen year old. She’s not likely to listen to anyone’s advice if it’s not advice saying to take him back right now.

So I’ve been biting my tongue and listening to her rave about how great it’s going to be. She’s already brought up the subject (to me, not to him) of moving to where he lives. After having exchanged a few emails with him eight hours ago. All I’ve said is “Be careful with your heart. You deserve so much happiness and I’d hate to see you heartbroken again”.

I’m not looking for advice or anything here, just wanted to vent. After all, I am not my brother’s keeper; it’s her life and she has to live it the way that makes her happy. And hey, I might be 100% wrong. They might be together forever and ever and live a life full of unadulterated joy and bliss. I hope they do.

One of the downfalls of being 30, having spent nearly 2 years on a drug that you’re not supposed to take for any long amount of time, and loving to eat is this:

MY HIPS!

So I have decided that for the wedding, I need a girdle.

Yes, a GIRDLE. Like your grandma would wear. I’ve tried Spanx, but they’re not great for someone who is bigger than a size 14. Sure, Oprah wears them, but Oprah also is a space alien.
I saw an infomercial for this thing, which seemed awesome! They even had fat ladies trying them on! Fat ladies like me! I LOOK JUST LIKE THE BEFORE PICTURE! LOOK AT THE AFTER PICTURE THAT COULD BE ME!!!!!!! WOO! I got all excited. Then I did a little research, like the savvy consumer I am (yeah right you’re talking to the lady who bought her WEDDING DRESS off eBAY) and found out that it will hurt me. I don’t want pain on my wedding day! I will have enough problems! Plus, I’d like to actually use the washroom if I need to.

So yeah. Don’t know what I’m gonna do. But I do know I won’t be buying informercial underpants! No sir, not me.

After our wedding, when we get the pictures back, I am totally using Roast Beef’s excuse.

What a difference a day makes!
Yesterday, I was insanely running around town, crying in the car, trying to Get Everything Together so that Rob and I could get our marriage license (no we don’t have it yet! don’t judge me!). Between rude (to say the least) public servants and running out of paper for the printer, by the time 4:00 rolled around I was about ready to just run off and die in a corner somewhere.

However.

OVERHEARD
… yesterday, in the car, during a conversation between my mother, sister, and I.

“If I had to choose, I would definitely want to smell horse crap. Horse crap is the best smelling of all the possible craps”.

I will not incriminate anyone by telling you who said that. You will just have to guess. AND STOP GUESSING THAT IT WAS ME! It might have been, but I will never tell!

Meanwhile today the only thing I have been worrying about is why there are so many bugs getting into our house. I have trapped and released four moths, one butterfly, a bee (A BEE!!!) and a Giant Flying Ant (actually that one I squished because it scared me) in the past six hours. Maybe the moths were all the same one, I don’t know. It’s 11:30 at night! Shouldn’t the bees be sleeping?

My ex got to the Island yesterday. If you don’t know, he was my longest (okay, only) relationship before Rob. It was five years ago; we dated long-distance (I was here, he was in Halifax) for a year. Long story short, I was in love with him (*was* being the operative word here), and made every effort in the relationship. I can’t speak for him, and after five years I know now that it wasn’t healthy, but I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him– not that he ever SAID that, but this was a case of actions– or non-actions– speaking louder than words. For example: he never (not once! In a year!) came here to visit (he’d make plans, then at the last minute something would come up like he’d have to work or his car would break down or whatever) I was the one who phoned him (I once gave up on phoning, to see how long it would take him to call me back… after the 9th day, I broke down), I was the one who travelled to see him twice a month (even though at the time I was only working half-time, thus earning half-salary). He dumped me one week before our 1-year anniversary. I was devastated. Two weeks later I had a miscarriage, when I hadn’t even known I was pregnant (overshare? yeah maybe) and refused to contact him to tell him (didn’t tell ANYONE, actually– I didn’t want to tell anyone if he didn’t know, but I couldn’t tell him because I thought he didn’t want to speak to me). Then I got a job in Halifax on a total fluke and it was awful! Living in the same city! And he is my friend’s husband’s best friend since birth so we would eventually run into each other! But after awhile it got to the point where we could actually speak to each other (after I got really really angry at him and told him off), and see each other without me feeling like I was going to die afterwards. And we would get together now and then. Not often, but a movie here and there, or a party at our friends’ house. Whatever. Still though, he had never given me a reason for WHY he dumped me. He finally told me, right before Rob and I moved back here from Halifax, that it was because he didn’t want to bog me down with him and his weird living situation (he, his mother and brother bought a house together six years ago so that they could fix it up and sell it… and they’re all still living there together. He lives with his mom. He’s 38.) which to me is total bull. But if that’s the excuse he could come up with after however many years, that’s what I’ll accept, because I don’t really care anymore. He’s still a nice guy, and we’re still friends, and honestly? As much as it hurt at the time, I’m actually lucky he dumped me because if he hadn’t I never would have met Rob. And Rob? Best thing that’s ever happened to me. Not that Rob’s a thing. Oh you know what I mean!

So anyway, G. is on the Island. He could never come visit me, but he is here for his friend’s wife’s brother’s wedding reception. Make sense? Yeah, I’m sure it does. Okay, maybe a TINGE of bitterness there. But, like I said, we’re friends, and it’s been over a year since I’ve seen him (an email here and there, that’s it) so I would like to see him if he’s on the Island anyway. He called yesterday and wanted to know if we could hang out. This was in the midst of me freaking out about the stuff and crying in the car and my mom saying a bad word (not at me!) and I was just like “No no not today I’m doing things this sucks”. He’s here til Sunday, he told me he’d be free today so to give him a call.

So I called. And called. And called. No answer. Well screw that. I took a nap and washed dishes and watered my garden (all my signs blew away! I’m not really sure what anything is anymore) and re-read a book that I love. The phone rang tonight at 11 pm (!) ; turns out he’d left his phone in the trunk of his car all day– oops!– but that they were going here tomorrow, did I want to go too?

Now, today was my only free day this week. Tomorrow I am going to my mother’s to start making favors and my veil and the three thousand other things I have to do. Oh plus my nephews will be there and they are the handsomest boys so no way am I not taking a chance to see them! Plus that place? Not so great. I mean sure it’s good for people who have little kids, but I’m not going to pay $20 that is not in my budget right now for a petting zoo and waterslides that I won’t go down. No I’m not bitter! Anyway I told him as much. So he’s gonna call on Sunday morning when he’s on his way home and we’ll see if we can maybe have lunch or something.

Don’t do me any favours, dude.

Also tomorrow morning I am picking up a baby swing that I got from Freecycle.

I really love freecycle.

It seems like every three minutes it shuts down! And then comes back a few minutes later! But that isn’t long enough to really do anything worthwhile on the Internet. It’s been like this for a couple of days now and it makes me a bit crazy. It’s better at night but unfortunately for me most of the people I want to chat with are not online at 4 am.

Some are, though.

One thing that’s interesting to do in the middle of the night with the insomnia is to poke around on youtube. You find some reallyreally bizarre stuff– like the video of the guy’s leg breaking– but sometimes you find something awesome.
This chick here is 18 and recorded herself singing a few things.
Here she is covering a few of my all time favourite songs (in fact one of them is our wedding song first dance) (oh yeah I just made it all about the wedding AGAIN). If you can’t handle the embeddedness… go to youtube and look for “mynameismeghan”.

Yay for Meghan! I hope she wins all the prizes!

Although massive consumption of ramen is probably not conducive to fitting into my wedding dress. I still love it. It is my new boyfriend.

Speaking of boyfriends, new or otherwise, an ex of mine (actually, my only ex, if you want to get technical) emailed me to let me know he would be on the Island this week and to ask if I wanted to get together for lunch. Funny how during the entire year that we were dating he didn’t make it here once but he can come over for his friend’s brother-in-law’s wedding reception. Ah well. It caused me alot of pain at the time but I’m fine now. But one thing– if we do go to lunch, he’s paying, and I’m having lobster.

I need a bra to go with this wedding dress. But the dress is not going to allow me to have a) straps or b) a back on my bra. Like, not even a bustier, because it will show. My seamstress suggested one of these invisi-bra things

, which *do* come in a d-cup (yes, I know! I’m fat, and my boobs are insane) but the only bras available on the entire Island seem to be this kind:

So what? I can find the chicken fillet on eBay, but 1) it’s eBay! What if it doesn’t get here in time? 2) I have had more problems with PayPal lately than I care to relate and c) I don’t really want to spend $50 on something that I can’t try on. Actually I don’t really want to spend $50 on anything. Stupid bras. Stupid boobs.

I still love ramen though!