A Momentary Diversion on the Road to Your Grave
You know how sometimes, even though hashbrowns aren’t really your ‘thing’, all of a sudden you have a wicked craving for a hashbrown, so you go out and buy a pack of hashbrowns? Of course you know! I knew you would know! I am so proud of you!
Then you put a few of the hashbrowns in the oven. When they’re done, you take them out and eat them. Then your craving for hashbrowns is gone, and you’re left with an almost-full pack of the ‘browns in the freezer. Whatever. They can stay there forever. Who needs them anymore? The craving has subsided and all is well with the world.
Over the next couple of weeks, you live, you love, you do a lot of barbecueing. The couple of times you *do* use the oven (okay, the one time), you notice a weirdish smell, and think “hmmm probably something bubbled over in there and is burning, I really should clean the oven sometime” but since you’re a total slacker, and you don’t really know how to clean the oven anyway because your mom always did it at home and never let you near the kitchen when she did, and then when you lived on your own your oven had a button that said “clean oven” and you would just push that button and walk away but your oven now doesn’t have that button so what are you supposed to do now?, you just don’t bother.
Then, say you have a fiancé named Rob. Say one day your fiancé, Rob, makes a pizza, puts it in the oven, and says to you “Hey Louise,” (oh, yeah. Your name is Louise in this TOTALLY FICTIONAL TALE) “… do you smell something weird?” You, thinking maybe you really should’ve cleaned the oven two weeks ago when you first thought about it, say “Uhm… I don’t know”. Then your fiancé, Rob, goes and takes his pizza out of the oven… and as he pulls it out, the pizza pan hooks onto something else, which comes flying off the oven rack to the floor at your feet.
It’s… it’s…
MISTER HASHIE!
Mister Hashie is a magical being from the depths of the oven! He dances! He sings! He smells really bad!
June 25th, 2006 saat: 1:22 am
Happy Birthday, birthday twin!!
June 25th, 2006 saat: 1:32 am
Happy Birthday, Sweetpea!
I wish you every good thing, and lots of just plain fun and weird things, on your birthday. That, and of course–Boursin CHEESE!!!!
Wow. You’re old now, like me. He he he.
June 25th, 2006 saat: 10:30 am
:LOL: Best.story.ever.
Happy Birthday!!!
June 25th, 2006 saat: 10:45 am
[...] And, OMG, take the time to read her latest blog entry entitled “A Momentary Diversion On The Road To Your Grave”- I laughed so hard I think I pulled something! Trackback · [...]
June 25th, 2006 saat: 11:24 am
Happy Birthday Louise!! I’ll deliver a birthday hug in August.
June 25th, 2006 saat: 12:22 pm
Hey Lousie! I’m gonna assume it’s your birthday, since I don’t actually keep track of these things, since all those people up there wished you a Happy Birthday.
So, HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY, WOMAN!!!!
June 25th, 2006 saat: 4:02 pm
Happy happy Birthday Louise!
Perhaps Mr. Hashie has been hiding in your oven all along just waiting to grant you a birthday wish
Hope you’re having an awesome day.
June 26th, 2006 saat: 3:28 pm
Happy Birthday Louise! Don’t feel bad about turning 30, age is really just a number (I know, I turned 30 six years ago, and got carded for alcohol the other day) and you are just as old or as young as you want to be (within reason of course, if you started acting younger than say, 5 or so, the men in the white coats may come to take you away). Anyway, cleaning the oven is easy. Buy the oven cleaner spray stuff (the “fume-free” stuff is the best, breathing-wise). Make sure the oven is not on. Make sure the oven is cold. Spray the hell out of the inside of the oven. Walk away. Go back tomorrow, then wipe all the crap off with paper towels and you’re done.
June 27th, 2006 saat: 11:52 am
I forgot to come here on The Day and snort in your general direction because YOU’RE ONLY 30.
Hope it was a good one! See you in August!