It’s 5 a.m.

I haven’t been to sleep yet tonight; I guess I’ve been thinking too much, or maybe I just slept too much last night. I am working tomorrow (today?) so I should probably get to sleep soon, but I’ve tried, and I can’t, and I know that the best thing to do is just be up until I feel sleepy enough.

I don’t mind, though. In the past, I’ve sort of panicked when I’ve been unable to sleep. “What? I’m not asleep yet? Maybe I’ll NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!” but come on now. I know that eventually sometime in my life I will sleep again , so I’m just using this time to hang around with myself. So far, I’ve re-read a book which I’ve read at least five times before– sort of like visiting an old friend– had Rob help me rearrange the furniture in the livingroom, done a buttload of knitting on this diagonal blanket I’ve been working on for what seems like ages (it’s really only been a week but I do have a short attention span) and just… *been*.

Spent some time figuring out my feelings about lots of things. Trying to get over alot of the worry, sadness, bad feelings, and hurt I’ve been going through for the past couple of months. I haven’t talked too much about it here (you’re probably thinking “Hey, with all the complaining you do on this site, is there anything we *don’t* know about you?” — surprisingly enough, I do keep some things to myself) but there have been quite a few… how shall I put this… seriously challenging events which have invaded my life these past few months, and I’m just really ready to start trying to get past them. It’ll happen, I know; when is the question. I do tend to hold on to sadness for a long time, after all. Anyway. I won’t bore you with my dramatics.

It was nice, just sitting still. Looking out our picture window, watching the snow fall gently on our backyard, and the field beyond that. Listening to the absolute silence, I thought back to our apartment in Halifax. 10th floor. Overlooking… a parking lot. Never fully dark — streetlights and all. Noise from the streets 24 hours a day, from the neighbours probably 18 of those. I lived in that apartment for four years. In that time, I got to know one neighbour on a first-name basis.

I’m not saying that everyone in Halifax is antisocial and crabby, or that it was a horrible place; please don’t get me wrong. I loved living in Halifax. It was interesting. There was always something happening, always someone or something to see, something to do. I do miss it. There are quite a few great people who live(d) there, and I miss them.

But when I think about what’s best for me right now? It’s where I am, and what I’m doing. I don’t know how to sum up what it’s like here, the huge difference I feel between The City (yeah, right– I mean, I know it’s a city, but it’s probably one of the smallest cities ever. Imagine me trying to survive in, say, Montreal! I’d be chewed up and spit out, I know it), and here. I mean… as much as we moved around in my life (every province aside from Newfoundland and BC!), I always did think of PEI as being ‘home’. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to live anywhere else– I was perfectly happy, for three and a half years, in Halifax; it was the last six months or so which were hellish. That was due more to my illness than my surroundings, but I firmly believe that your surroundings and the stresses they can produce can contribute to your health. I survived five years of university before that, and I loved it.

I guess it all comes down to the friendliness factor. While I have been known to laugh at how everyone knows everyone here, and, sometimes, knows everyone’s business, I also like knowing that no one’s really a stranger. Not great when you’re in Bitter Hermit mode, trying to hide from the world and not interact with other humans. Just try to get away with that kind of tomfoolery in a town where people are always trying to engage you in conversation! It’s just not possible.

People smile as they pass each other on the sidewalk. When cars drive by each other, the drivers always wave.

It’s nice. It’s… kind. And I guess it was time for that.

Louise: So… how are YOU doing? Still pimpin’ the ho’s?
Michelle: of course!
Michelle: they out trickin’ right now
Louise:Well, as long as you don’t turn me out
Michelle: of course not, you’re my top ho

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Do I write things here with the intent of hurting people? No. Should I maybe censor myself and not be so self centred and overdramatic? Yes. Do I feel shitty about it? Yes. And so, I apologize if the things I write here cause others pain because it’s certainly not my intent.
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I’ve written before about how I don’t like The View, and that Star Jones is driving me insane. I rarely ever watch The View — it annoys me to no end. But I have been known to watch now and then. Hey, when you’re home on sick leave for over a year, you end up seeing some really crappy stuff on the tv.

So, a brief rundown of The View if anyone wants to know (and these are only my opinions so if you absolutely love the show well good for you, I just don’t):
You’ve got the one woman who is like “ooh! I can make sexual remarks on TV! How shocking! LET ME SHOCK YOU EVERY FOUR POINT SIX SECONDS WHILE MY CO-HOSTS LOOK AT ME AND LAUGH INDULGENTLY BECAUSE OH IT’S MEREDITH ISN’T SHE SHOCKING WITH HER SEXUAL REMARKS?” then you’ve got the comedian lady who just makes a joke whenever someone else tries to talk about a serious subject. There’s also the 20-something blonde lady who just had a baby and loves George W. Bush, who just today said that “Kids shouldn’t know that their parents have sex! That’s disgusting!” (nice– way to make kids comfortable with the idea of sexuality). And of course, you’ve got Barbara Walters who it appears is only on the show like, once a month (is she ashamed that she created this pile of crap?), and last but certainly not least, you’ve got STAR.

Star Jones Reynolds ™ has recently lost a buttload of weight (heh, pun not intended but kinda funny). Some people say she’s had weight loss surgery, she says she will never tell because she doesn’t want to influence people to do anything, she just wants them to take care of themselves in the proper way for them. Okay, that’s admirable. The only thing is… Star don’t look that great. Her body has shrunk down to a wisened little old lady body, but her head. Her head is still gigantic. I mean, she’s lost weight in her face, and to me looks like she’s had some kind of plastic surgery on it, but still, her head is HUGE. She looks like an alien or a lollipop or something.

And today, I saw the beginning part of the show. I noticed something. I think Star knows now that her head is too gigantic for her wizened, shrivelled little corpse of a body. Because today? Instead of wearing the weird halter dresses (“Hi, I’m Star. HAVE YOU SEEN MY BODY AREN’T I SEXY?!”) she was wearing a few months ago, now? She’s wearing shoulder pads. Shoulder pads. As in “Oh… my head looks gigantic because it appears to be sitting atop a tiny little doll body. So if I wear great big 80′s shoulder pads, maybe they’ll balance out my enormous disco-ball head”.

Star. Star. Please stop.

Earlier on I was watching TV and some show which I don’t remember what it was, only it was all about weight loss (nothing new there), got on my nerves.

They’re talking to this one girl who lost some weight. I’d say she was about 5’7″, 5’8″ and sure, not chickenwing skinny, but not a cow, either. The voiceover says “She weighed in at a hefty 165 lbs”… bla bla. And at the end “Now she can throw away all those tent-like size 14s…”

EXCUSE ME. I’ve been a size 14. I wasn’t aware I could house people in my underpants.

So that annoyed me. I mean, had I known I could’ve helped solve the homeless problem.

It didn’t snow today, so Rob went and put a bunch of linens on the clothesline.
Now, we did our laundry at the coin-op in town on Saturday, and they were all dry, but isn’t it nice to have the clothesline smell on your sheets? It is.
So, he put them out, and it was my job to bring them back in. I came into the house with the first towel, laughing hilariously.
“Robbie how come you put SEVEN clothespins on this towel?”
“I didn’t want it to fall off the line– it’s pretty windy out there”.
Okay, fine. Next I went and brought in the rest of the things. The last thing I brought in was a huge– giant. Really, really big. Bigger than a towel, anyway– bedsheet.

Four clothespins.

That boy. He is just so lovable.

I am full, also. Tonight’s supper consisted of french fries and stovetop covered in leftover turkey gravy from New Years’ (don’t worry, we’d frozen the gravy, it wasn’t just sitting there for 20 days). And I am so full. Like, you think you’ve ever been full? No, you haven’t. I want to die. But I didn’t realize I was even getting full until it was too late because I was busy not paying attention to my food intake.

Have I mentioned that I’m coming up with little themes for the different rooms of the house? I know, it’s retarded, what kind of person has theme rooms. But I do. Or, I will. Anyway one of the rooms is supposed to have an aquatic theme and I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a way to aquatic it up. I just want to find pictures of mermaids and cephalods and lilypads and make everything all pretty that way. But no ugly boats or stupid lighthouse pictures. I want it to be all dreamy and deep blue and like being underwater yourself. But not drowning. Basically I want the room to be my own special rendition of Splash with a little Hans Christian Andersen thrown in.

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Wow, I’m a dramaqueen. What do you say to posts like the last one? Not much, I guess.

I’ve been having myself some Circumstances lately. Big blowup with my parents at the beginning of the week coupled with worry about not working enough this month and hoping that I at least work enough so that we can pay the rent and also a bit of futzing with my dosage all resulted in Taking To My Bed and Crying Over A Kenny Rogers Song That I Inadvertently Listened To When I Was Looking For That Stupid Reba Show Even Though I Can’t Stand Reba McEntire The Show Is Okay.

But yeah. So, sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable with that post but that’s the way it goes.

You know, there are days that I just wish I could disappear.

Apparently this is Delurking Week. So, delurk! I’m curious as to who reads this old thing. And how you found it. And why you read it. Wanna tell me?

Thanks, dahlinks

Happy 9th Day of 2006, everybody! Did you miss me? I missed you. Wanna make out?

Okay nevermind that. I haven’t been blogging because… well, we got Internet back last week sometime, but I’ve just been too busy spinning around in every room yelling “WE HAVE OUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE AND I CAN BE 100% NUDE IF I WANT TO!” to blog. You understand.
I keep trying to figure out what to say. I mean, I did have a whole long post written, and it was eaten by… something. BlogMonsters, methinks. Anyway, it’s gone, and that means you can’t read it, because my memory, she just ain’t what she used to be (thank you, thank you, efex0r!) so I’m not writing it again.
So. The house. It’s WONDERFUL! Do you love it? You can see it in the flickr pics to the right. We’re not done unpacking yet– oh, no, we’re not. You see, when my mother heard we were moving out, she made the decision that not only would we be moving all our stuff, but we would be taking things that I had boxed up when I was like, 12. So instead of the one or two days we thought it would take? It took us seven full days of moving. Our office is still full of boxes, most of which probably contain New Kids On The Block paraphernalia and binders filled with my high school chemistry notes (I got a 52% in high school chemistry, so my chem. notes probably look like “H20… uh… Oh look, a doodle of Mickey mouse.” And 10 lines of “Louise Slater. Mrs. Louise Slater. Louise M****-Slater. Mrs. Christian Slater. Louise Slater, Esquire. Louise M****-Slater-Hutchence-Cusack” DO NOT JUDGE ME). Luckily we have a basement, so lots of these things will eventually be finding their way down there. And then, eventually, we will find a desk, and move our computer into the office. See, we did once have a desk, but had to leave alot of stuff behind when we moved here from Hali (stupid stupid UHaul truck saying it was big enough to move the contents of a one-bedroom apartment! It was a LIE!) so we have no computer desk, no microwave, and I’m pretty sure my Second Favourite Mature Adult Themed Object is missing too. Anyway, the computer is here in the livingroom, on the kitchen table (long story) in front of the window. It’s great, because I can look outside and stare at the bluejays and chickadees hopping about, but at the same time… I really don’t want the computer left here in the livingroom. I just don’t.

So… Our bed and everything was in here on December 31st. We spent New Years’ Eve eating delicious pasta, and getting ready to PARTY IN OUR NEW HOME! Yeah, we were asleep by 10:30. Because we are PARTY ANIMALS! And then, on the night of the 1st, we ran out of oil. No heat. Nothing. Here was our conversation:

Rob: Well, I mean, they pay for the oil, and they’re supposed to fill it, so let’s call them and have them fill it!
Me: But it’s Sunday! And it’s New Years’ Day! No one will be there!
Rob: Well we can at least call. You call.
Me: Fine (dial dial dial) No, it’s just voicemail. I’ll leave her a message. No I won’t. She won’t be in tomorrow either because it’s the Official Holiday. OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA ROB WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!
Rob: Uhm… well I’m going to bed then.

The next morning we woke up and I was practically blue with cold. Judd Nelson had fared much better than I, as he had seventeen blankets wrapped around his home, and a heating pad nearby. Rob went and phoned, regardless of my protestations that “they’re not going to be there and you’re just wasting your time. GO BREAK UP SOME OF THE FURNITURE SO WE CAN START A FIRE! Where are the matches? YOU FOOL!” He, unlike myself, actually LISTENED to the voicemail message which stated that if it was an emergency, you should press “one”. I was like “Is it really an emergency?” but he just rolled his eyes and pressed “one”. And he got ahold of someone! And they were like “Why didn’t you phone last night, you fool? We’ll be there in half an hour”. And they were! And now our oil tank is full of oil and I have the heat cranked up to 25 and I am going to go take a hot bath.

Oh– our bathtub. I didn’t realize it until it was too late but it doesn’t have one of those overflow-prevention things. This was learned when I was laying there, reading away, and suddenly heard splashing-onto-the-floor sounds. Zoinks.

Several people have asked me when they would be receiving wedding invitations from us… If you’re one of those people, the answer is WHO THE HECK KNOWS UNLESS YOU CAN FIND ME A CHURCH THAT ISN’T FALLING APART TO HAVE OUR WEDDING IN! Stress? Naw. But hey, it should all come together. Right? Right?

In the past week I have caught up with friends who I haven’t seen in years, since I moved to Halifax. So I’m all excited. Because I’m old, and I just find it too hard to make new friends. So it’s good when I find people that I know and like and who are still willing to speak to me. Yay!

And that is the end of this post. Do you have anything to say to me? Go ahead.