[I did have this password protected. I don't know why I decided to take the password off, and maybe later it will be back on. So, getcher drama while you can! Comments are off because, well, if no one commented I'd probably get freaked out, thinking no one cares about me (yes, I'm mental), and if people did comment saying "suck it up" or "it'll be okay" I'd be all "How do you KNOW it will?" which is... well, mental.]

Do you know what? I hate that I am so whiny. I hate it. That’s why I password these– because I hate myself for all the self-pity I’m putting out there. I know this is nobody’s fault but my own. I KNOW. And I hate myself for this all happening. And I want to write it down somewhere and I hate myself. Hmm, have I said that enough times? This stuff is just my knee-jerk reaction, whining about my life, pity-party stuff. I will hopefully get over it soon.
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Over 40 days ago, at the beginning of the Lenten season, I made the decision to give up chocolate until Easter. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, because I don’t usually eat a great deal of chocolate anyway. And it wasn’t, really. I didn’t miss eating chocolate bars or anything like that — mainly it was things like not having my once every fortnight hot chocolate from Tim’s (which was replaced successfully by their hot apple cider), or a bite of Rob’s chocolate cake, etc. etc., that left me feeling deprived now and then. And of course, when all the Easter candy came out and I kept seeing racks and racks of Cadbury Creme Eggs (something I don’t even really LIKE but always have one around Easter time), I started feeling weaker in my resolve. But, I was Strong. I Persevered. And I even made it PAST Easter — The first chocolate I had was last night (a Cadbury Creme Egg. Hey, they were on sale at wal-mart! Three for 80 cents!). Okay, that was fine. Actually it was kind of putridly super-sweet and I vowed no more until next year and maybe not even then.

But right now? Oh. My. God.
I just ate half of the chocolate bunny Rob gave me when I got home from my parents’. Half. 80-something grams of chocolate, directly into my belly, which hadn’t even been properly coated with, like, breakfast or anything. Oh sure, I thought I could just stop at the ears. “I’ve done without for weeks!”, I said to myself. “No problem! One little bite and I’ll probably have my fill of chocolate for the next month”. Well, I’m here to tell you friends, that it’s a slippery slope. The ears? They’re the gateway. You can’t just stop at the ears. You have to move on to the head. I mean, it’s mandatory, right? It would be BAD MANNERS to not have a headless bunny… Next thing you know, you’re sitting glassy-eyed and chocolate-smeared, staring at the dessicated remains in your hand and wondering how they got there.

I feel the shakes coming on. If you don’t hear from me for a few days, just assume that I’m either a) in a diabetic coma or 2) halfway to Mexico and still running, buzzing from the sugarhigh.

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Well now, so much for the walks helping me to fall asleep! This is the third night in a row that I have a hard time sleeping. Last night I managed to drop off around 4 am, the night before it was 3, and yes, I’m up by 8 am, so it’s not like I’m sleeping all day or anything.
So right now, it’s nearly 2 am. Which is no big deal, except in about an hour, I have to start DRIVING.
Blah.
You see, my sister is headed over here with a friend of hers who is a mechanic. And he’s going to fix my brother’s car. And then I am going to drive him back to PEI, while she goes and picks up her boyfriend (it is SO WEIRD for me to say that my sister has a boyfriend– I mean she was married since I was 14, so I always talked about her husband. But now he is no more. Weird weird weird. But also good, since he wasn’t much of a husband).
Anyway, they left PEI at around 10 pm, which means they should be here around 2, 2:30. I was positive I’d get some sleep between 10 and 2, but no.
Right now the Cosby Show is on TV and yes, I know it’s an old show, but it’s funny! Claire just got really mad because Vanessa and her friends thought they could be singing stars by dressing as hoochies and shaking their asses around:
“We keep on planting roses but all we get are weeds! Sondra’s in the wilderness, Denise is in the jungle, and now Vanessa’s jumping off the locomotion train looking like she just got hit by a hot plate!”
Alright, so maybe that was only funny to me.

Oh. Meredith? If you’re reading this? Your hat is all done! Do not despair! If you want to pick it up, you can, but I won’t be here so you’ll have to get ahold of Rob. Right now it still needs blocking but it would probably be better if you do that, since I don’t know what size your head is or anything and it would be easier for you to do it to fit your own head. Or you can wait til I get home on Monday — but I want you to have your hat!

And I’m going to be wearing my wig! For the first time in like… a week. That’s also something new-ish I’ve been doing. We go out, I just chuck a hat or a bandanna on, sans wig. Mainly because I’m fairly lazy but also, it’s something I’m trying to do to take myself out of my comfort zone. It’s working.

Oh, okay, my sister just called to say they’re five minutes away so I will go now and au revoir et joyeuses paques to you!

Yesterday Rob took me on a Great Adventure.
You see, I have never taken public transportation.

Well, that’s not totally true. A few years ago, on New Years’ Eve, when lots of people were going to a dance at the WTC, we all went. But the buses were running for free and I just basically followed the group and didn’t really have to think or anything.

Aside from that, though, I’ve never taken a city bus, or subway, or anything like that. Where I grew up, in PEI, there was no public transportation. We lived for two years in SK, where they did have buses, but I was too young to use them by myself, and besides, I didn’t have anywhere to go.

And then, when I moved from PEI to Nova Scotia, well… I always had a car. So yeah.

Anyway, yesterday, Rob decided that it was high time I get my ass on a bus and go somewhere. So he took me all over the place on the bus. And that’s that.

Other news? Patricia Heaton is still pissing me off (don’t ask…) and everytime I come across reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond I scream “SHUT UP!” at the TV whenever I see her face.

I got a big envelope from my insurance company today and thought “WOO HOO!!! FINALLY! AFTER TWO MONTHS THEY ARE GIVING ME MONEY!!! YAY!”… and then opened it up to find a flier saying “You should buy car insurance from us!”
and I was like “SHUT UP!”– so that kind of sucked, because it would be nice to be able to pay our rent in full, you know? Blah.

ALSO! Emilio and Judd? I looked at them today, and they were all snuggled up together! Judd had his head resting on Emilio’s bum! It was CUTE! Unfortunately, there are no photos. Also unfortunately, as soon as they saw me they were like “EEEK! SOMEONE SEES US! LET’S PRETEND WE HATE EACH OTHER AGAIN!”

That is all.

Uhm… yeah. Rob’s watching a documentary about the Star Wars movies (the good 3, not the new ones) and that was what they were saying and so I typed it. Nothing to do with this entry.

Hmm. Well first of all, Rob and I have been taking walks around our “block” every day for the past week or so. Since it started getting warmer. Anyway, I find it’s started to help me get sleepy at night which is much better than the staying up until 5 am every night. Also it gives Rob an excuse to go to the comic book store that’s around the corner (a sucky comic store, but a comic store nonetheless). I told him he could go in there as much as he wanted, as long as he didn’t complain when I went after him and picked his stuff.

Yeah, confession: If I see anything on Rob that needs busting, I chase him down and prod at it. He hates it. And I’m ashamed of it. But it’s a compulsion. I can’t stop. And he’s all “LOUISE! DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!” and I’m like “I’m DOING this because I LOVE YOU! PUS IS BAD FOR YOU!”.
I think I might need like, more intensive therapy.

First of all I have to say that mainja is just a fabulous person (I almost wrote fabulouise. Because anytime the letters l-o-u appear in that order my fingers automatically finish the word by typing my name). Not that other people aren’t fabulous, or fabulouise, as the case may be. Just today, I wanted to tell you that mainja is. So there.

Secondly, WHERE IS OUR DIGITAL CAMERA???!!!! I haven’t seen it since forever — and there are THINGS that we want to take pictures of! Such as Emilio and Judd, who are soooo cute, and I love them, and they’ve learned a couple of tricks.
Well, sort of tricks. Okay, not really. Just if they see that I’m holding food above their heads they sit up and “beg” for it. But that’s kind of a trick, isn’t it? Also, I mean, it’s a $250 camera. Don’t want it just suddenly GONE.

Third, remember how I had to borrow my brother’s car to get back here because my car needed welding and so my brother took it to weld it and I came back here in my brother’s car? Um, if you don’t remember it, well, that’s what happened. Only now? My brother’s car has stopped working. I can start it, but then it revs up really high and then stalls out. All within say, three seconds. Whatever, I don’t know. The lack of transportation is okay, because Rob can take the bus to work and I’m not working til April, but it will eventually need to be fixed because it somehow has to make its way back into my brother’s clutches and I’m not just gonna be like “hey, yeah, I broke your car. deal with it”. Also I was invited to a party at friends’ house tonight (way out in the country) and I haven’t seen this friend in AGES, and now I will have to say that I can’t go.

Fourth — SPRING IS COMING! And I just noticed that we still have a Christmas decoration on the wall! But THAT DOESN’T MATTER because it hasn’t been stormy or grossly cold in over a WEEK! And sure, we can’t be completely sure that the weather’s going to continue to be springlike until at least mid-May around here, but for now? For what it’s worth? SPRING IS COMING! YAAAAAAY!

Via firebrand:

I’m an apparently intelligent, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Please excuse me if I’m rambling here, I’m just frustrated and a little freaked out and want to vent. I must say first, that yes I’m gonna be whiny, and yes, half the things I’m going to whine about are fixable and not something that I should really worry about so I don’t really need comments saying “Louise chill out you’ll be fine you dink” (not that anyone ever does that, for some reason you all seem to put up with me, something for which I believe I should send you all chocolates), because I KNOW I’ll be fine but yeah.

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone. To celebrate I am going to see my therapist in about an hour, having TOTALLY not done my “homework” (see, she gives me homework to do. But last time I saw her, the next available appointment was at the beginning of April. And then last night they called with a cancellation. So my homework’s like, half done, but not completely done. It’s like Grade 9 all over again)!
I suppose I could technically be all “Kiss me, I’m Irish” today, except, not really. My mom is French Canadian, so that means I’m 1/2 french (actually, her side is like, french, but with about six or seven aboriginal ancestors thrown in. Not that you can tell by looking at me). My dad is half Irish, half Scottish. So if anyone ever wanted to know my pedigree, there you have it.

And finally — I am making a hat for the fabulous Meredith. A beautiful hat, might I add, and I do NOT mind making it.
But holy crap, has it been a pain in the ass. Well, more of a pain in the ass than I thought it would be, anyway. I’ve had to frog it… six times now I think? Because this is the pattern I’m using. It’s a great pattern. Only I’m not using the right size yarn I don’t think. Anyway, this is the yarn I’m using and it’s beautiful, too. Plus it’s crochet, which I’m fine at, but I think I’d rather be knitting it. Oh well, right now I figure I’m about a day and a half, two days, from being finished. But just for future reference:

Does anyone out there have a KNITTING PATTERN for a cloche hat? Because that would be great. I’ve looked all over the Internet and can’t find one but then again, I might just be a spaz.

PS- thanks for all your support on the pooping. Thank the Lord for prunes, and yes, everything’s still moving fine.
And I promise I will never speak of it again.