Apparently I’ve become a total bitch.
Seriously.
I finally got the chance, this morning, to sit down and read other peoples’ blogs. I thought it would be relaxing.
But no, it seems I’ve turned into a selfish whiny baby. I’m reading my regular blogs, and I find myself getting jealous, selfish, hateful feelings.
I DO NOT HATE ANY OF YOU, just to be fair– but the thoughts!
“How can they just be having normal lives? HOW is it possible that the world is just normal? How come I’m hearing about coffee or weight loss or leg-shaving? Life isn’t normal! Why do they think it’s still normal? MY DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL! With a HOLE in his AORTA! The world is not normal! What is going on???!!!“.
Yeah, folks, I’ve got problems. I totally realize that this is a selfish babyish reaction on my part, and I love each and every one of you. I will do a real update later (at the moment it’s time to go back to the hospital) and try not to be such a dick when I do.
It’s perfectly rational to have the feelings you’re currently having. Think of it this way, how many times have you relayed stories about your daily life while other people were struggling through divorces, bankruptcies, miscarriages? We each have our own private dramas to live out but when it’s over we must move on. If we constantly focused on the problems of the world we’d all be bogged down in misery. We each take our turns suffering so that we can conversely take turns enjoying the small happinesses this life has to offer.
While you may feel like everyone is going on with their lives in oblivious normalcy, you have to understand it’s not in an effort to be hurtful or selfish; it’s just what humans do.
I have no doubt there are a lot of people out there right now thinking about you and your family and worrying about your father. While your pain can’t be as real to us as it is to you, it doesn’t mean we don’t care.
You have a lot of good friends who are sharing this worry with you whether in silent thought, prayer, or words of encouragement. You are never alone (and I don?Äôt mean that in a creepy way!)
I?Äôm sure having your dad in the hospital is scary, but when my mom was in the hospital after her heart attack it helped me to think she was in the best possible place for her, surrounded by knowledgeable people, monitored constantly, and within quick reach of all sorts of helpful medications. While no one wants a loved one to be ill, it is at least a small blessing that they found this tear now rather than later, and that he?Äôs on his way to receiving the help he needs to get healthier.
You and your family are in my thoughts even as I brush my teeth, eat my lunch, do my work. I wish you weren?Äôt hurting so much right now but I trust that things will work out. Until then, I?Äôll keep you in my prayers and hope for the best on your behalf.
Take care.
You poor thing! I think that is a perfectly normal reaction for you to have… you have a lot going on right now.
I am praying for you and your family.
I’ve been reading your site for awhile but never commented until now. I know EXACTLY how you feel, because I often feel the same way. I agree with the others that it’s normal, even though I also understand why it makes you feel bad to feel that way. Don’t worry about it, just go with it, and when things are better for you…and they will be…you can delight once again in the good fortune of others. In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Like the previous poster, I’ve been lurking for a while. I’ve been thinking of you and your family even though I’ve not commented until now.
I can imagine how strange/upsetting it is to see the rest of the world going right on despite the fact that this is such a difficult and frightening time for you.
Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and your family.
I feel like that often. My son is autistic(y), and I get so pissed off at all of the people out there blogging complaints about their regular, ordinary, every-day problems with their typically developing kids. I wish the only thing I had to worry about is misplaced shoes or whatever.
Oh, and I am so, so sorry to hear about your dad. Love and hugs to you.
i know it’s hard to believe right now, but things will be normal with you again someday too. this is an insane time for you, dad in hospital, depression, wedding planning. seriously, this is a hellish time, and you’re allowed to be jealous of people who aren’t in hell. just remember, you won’t be in hell forever. and also remember that you’re allowed to vent/whine/complain. we’re still here. we’re still reading. we still love you. and most of all, who gives a fuck what we think anyway? this is your blog, your life, you are allowed to Èõ;?ith it what you will. we don’t matter one whit.
The answer is this simple: “There is NOTHING wrong with you, m’dear! Not one l’il damned thing!”
The reaction that you’re having is perfectly “normal”, whatever that might be, really. It’s a stage of grief. Allow yourself to feel everything – it’s all part of an important process. And remember to come back and vent your little heart out! We’re here to listen!
I think you have EVERY right to feel this way, considering everything that is going on!
*hugs* i am sending good thoughts to you and your family…
I will repeat what everyone else has said here. You have a perfect right to the way you feel. No one thinks you are selfish but you. This is your blog where you can and should post your feelings – whatever they may be. You have no responsibilty to entertain us. We all care for you and can appreciate the struggle you are experiencing. Even though we’ve never met, I’m sure we all feel like we know you and we really do care what happens. Post away, my dear. We are here for you!
it’s ok to feel that way. life isn’t normal, nothing is normal. i’m sending some happy thoughts your way, you know, so cheer up and remember that you have a great family, full of love, and rob, and there are many people out here thinking of you and yours. *hugs*
I’ve got parent stuff going on, too. Please know I’m thinking of you and let us know how your dad is when you get a chance. I know you don’t know me, but if you want to chat, I’m just an e-mail away and I’ll be reading it at the hospital here!