I believe you’ve all seen pictures of me before, yes no? If not, well, just look around, you’ll find plenty of them. For someone who generally doesn’t enjoy the way she looks (then again, does anyone?) I sure seem to put up alot of pictures of myself.

Anyway, if you’re stalking me, here’s another one to add to your collection (CAUTION: not for the faint of heart and I mean it):
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I’ve been awake for FOUR HOURS and my stupid BLOG won’t let me DO THINGS I WANT TO DO and Rob is still sleeping (which is fine because just because I’m a freak and wake up at 5 am doesn’t mean he has to especially not on his day off) so he can’t fix it til later and also this means that I should abandon the idea of blogging and go clean the kitchen.

Not that there’s anything wrong with cleaning the kitchen — it’s just that I feel that it’s futile? Why?

Because the only reason I want the kitchen to be totally clean is that our oven and three of the four burners on our stove aren’t working and so we can’t really cook anything that we want to cook so I put in a service request with the superintendent THREE DAYS AGO and he’s supposed to come between 9 am and 5 pm but he hasn’t come yet so why bother having a clean kitchen here for him if he’s not even gonna show up?

We’re getting a bit hungry at this point, too. Luckily I made a big pot of chicken corn chowder the other day that we can just microwave but even the delightful chowdah is going to be gone soon and then? We’ll be stuck eating, like, raw rice and cold tinned tomatoes and bleurgh.

Anyway. Since my BLOG isn’t letting me DO THINGS I WANT TO DO I guess I will go clean that kitchen now. Feh. Kitchen.

I hate you, kitchen.

And you too, blog.

Okay it’s been awhile… sorry about that. My last week has been pretty hectic, with a lot of freaking out on my part. The past few days involved driving my parents back to PEI and watching Dad be in the hospital there instead of the one here, finding out that my car was about to die, borrowing my brother’s car and coming back here so that I wouldn’t miss any doctors’ appointments.

So, what happened with my father: Basically last month when he was sick, and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him, it was that he was having an aneurysm in his aorta. Basically that means the main aorta that leads out of his heart had a big tear in it. Since my father’s heart is weird (his aorta is in backwards– it’s not a big deal, it’s just a congenital thing, and he’s known about that for a long time) when they x-rayed him at the hospital in January they missed the aneurysm. He was getting ready to go back to work– was starting to feel better, eating more, etc etc– and had to go to his doctor’s to make sure it was okay. That appointment was for Thursday of last week– on Tuesday his doctor called to say “hey I noticed the heart specialist didn’t have them do a CAT scan/dye test, go get that done and I’ll see you on Thursday”. Well he went to get that done and that’s when they noticed the aneurysm and all hell broke loose.

He was transported here to Halifax by ambulance (they were going to airlift him but the helicopter was broken — great huh?) and what the dr’s in PEI had told my mom was that he would more than likely be getting open heart surgery. My sister drove over with my mom so she only got here at around 6:30 at night– Dad got here at 3. Rob and I were waiting for him. He waited in the ER for about an hour (on a stretcher, with medical attention, I just mean that he wasn’t admitted immediately). The doctors there checked him out and said yes, it is an aneurysm but no, we’re not going to operate right away. They decided that since it was more than likely a month-old tear in his aorta it probably wouldn’t be getting any bigger, and since it wasn’t affecting any of his other main blood vessels (for example the ones that lead to his legs or his head or anything) they would try seeing if they could fix it with medication instead of opting to cut him open and mess around in his insides. That meant giving him vitamin K to counter-effect the blood thinners he’d been on for the past month, along with some other medications to lower his blood pressure (it wasn’t high– it was normal, around 125/80, but in order to heal the tear, he has to keep his blood pressure at around 110/70 so it needed to be lower) . There were other meds which I don’t remember. Then they admitted him to the cardiac ICU, where he stayed for about two hours and then my mom and sister got there.
My mom was so afraid and so freaked out– I can’t stand the thought of anything like this happening to Rob, so I can barely imagine her emotional state when the man she’s loved for 35 years is going through something like this.

Anyway Dad was then moved from the ICU to the “step-down” unit, because he didn’t need intensive care, just, you know, regular care. And there he stayed for quite a few days, monitoring his blood pressure and his heart rate and his breathing and all kinds of things. He had three IVs at one point, which I know he didn’t enjoy at all (uhm, he didn’t enjoy anything at all about the entire experience, really). Days of exhaustion emotional and physical for Rob, my mother, and I, going to and from the hospital, not sleeping at night because of worry, trying to visit and somehow manage to not notice when the man in the next bed had a seizure or the lady in the bed across was stripped naked by the nurse and they didn’t even bother to pull the curtains (excuse me but please if I’m ever in the hospital and unable to speak for myself– I just want it known here and now that you must PULL THE DAMN CURTAINS when you’re taking my clothes off! Unless you’re paying me!).

Then last Thursday the doctors here said it was okay for him to go back to PEI but that he had to be admitted to hospital there– there was nothing more they were doing for him here in Halifax, now that he’d seen the specialists and all, that they couldn’t do in PEI. So fine. I drove them there, going as fast as I could– the doctors allowed him to go in the car instead of the ambulance as long as I could get him there within 4 hours so that he could get his next medication. Well I did it.
Then I stayed in PEI til Sunday and came home and now I’m home. And my dad got to go home today so uhm, yeah.

He’s okay. he’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay. That’s all.

Oh and uhm, something. Wait a second. Oh yeah. I want this so bad it isn’t funny. AND I CAN’T BUY IT BECAUSE MY INSURANCE IS DICKING AROUND AND WE’VE GOT NEGATIVE ZERO ZERO MONEY AGAIN!
stupid insurance.

But my dad is okay. MY DAD IS OKAY.

light a candle, say a prayer, send good karma, whatever it is you do… my dad went in for x rays this morning and they found something. They’re sending him to Halifax for… treatment? an operation? My sister phoned to tell me and was crying so I’m not sure. just do… anything okay? sorry about this but I’m home alone and freaking out and Rob will phone me soon but I’m still scared.

okay she called back, it’s something to do with his heart, an artery where the blood in the wall of his artery is clotting and it’s not supposed to? Anyway he’ll be here in 2 hours and I’m going to meet him at the hospital and hopefully my mom can come either with my brother (if he can get away) or on a shuttle. This is so frightening.

That Canada got its own flag.

I can’t remember a time when the red and white didn’t fly over schools, grocery stores, Legion halls. I have been used to this flag since I was a child — drawing it in school, remembering to put 11 points on my maple leaf. You don’t think of it often, really. It’s just always been there. Well, in my life, anyway.

My parents, though, can well remember the days when Canada still flew the Union Jack.

Anyway, want to know more? Check here.

You know what? I’m still in a crappy mood! And I don’t like foisting that upon you, my gentle readers! So I won’t, but I beg of you don’t forget about me in the day(s) that I’m not writing! You love me, don’t you? DON’T YOU?

Okay so I’m not thinking about yesterday’s post or anything right now — I just wanted y’all to go read this beautiful post.

So. Back in 2002, I had my bank in PEI refinance-whatever my two student loans (federal and provincial) to a lower interest rate. Back when my car was stolen, my VISA was in it, so I cancelled that VISA and they sent me another one. There’s your history.

The thing I was hoping for good vibes on:

Rob and I have never been rich but we have been able to live pretty well with both our salaries. Bills paid, food bought, rent paid, with $25 here and there to put into my RSP. However, because I’m sick and not working (and no, I can not go back to work right now, I’ve agonized about that), and my last paid sick day was on Jan. 26th, I’m no longer receiving any money. I do have salary continuation insurance but the earliest that will start to pay out (because they are a business, and their business is making money, not really helping people who are sick) is the beginning of March– and possibly not even then, depending on how long it takes them to do the paperwork. Rob’s pay is all well and good, but since he lost those three days due to the snowstorms last month, his last paycheque was at least $300 short of what it usually is. We’ve paid the rent for this month, have $20 left in the bank, and have bills coming in which we have no way of paying at the moment. When my insurance kicks in (anytime between the beginning and end of March), we’ll have plenty of cash, I guess– well, we’ll have 70% of my salary beginning on Feb. 15th– but until then? We have one more cheque of Rob’s coming in next week which will not cover our my bills (my student loan, lights, power, scheduled payments on various other things), so our payments will bounce, resulting in $50 NSF charges etc. etc. etc. Please don’t start pitying me or anything, I’m not in a “poor poor pitiful us” mode or anything like that, I’m more angry. You’ll read why in a minute.

So, on Tuesday, I went to apply for a loan. Not at my bank, because for some reason I thought I shouldn’t (don’t ask me why and it really doesn’t matter right now), but at Wells Fargo Financial. I figured if I could get a loan right away, we could cover those bills, not have it show up on any sort of “hey these people make their payments late” list, and we’d be able to pay back the loan within a month (or two at the outside) and above all not have payments bounce which would result in possibly hundreds of dollars worth of NSF fees. When I was in there, the guy and I went over everything, we looked at the credit report he was getting on his computer, and he was telling me everything on there, and I was like “yes, I have a visa. Yes I have a sears card. Yes I have 2 student loans, one federal, one provincial”. You know. Like you do. He told me he could see absolutely no problem with me getting this loan. I left, still worrying, because that’s what I do.

Didn’t hear from the guy yesterday (he’d said I’d hear from him yesterday or today) so this morning I called. He wasn’t in the office yet but he did call just now.

Oh, guess what? My credit report is showing that I have TWO visas, and FOUR student loans. And that one of my visas (the one I cancelled 2 years ago? And had the balance transferred to my new visa?) and two of my student loans (the ones I had refinanced? And the balance went to my “new” student loans?) are DEFAULTING. Like, I haven’t paid them in three years.

THEY DON’T EVEN EXIST!!!!

So basically what I can do right now is go to the credit bureau people — which luckily enough the credit bureau for the Maritimes is in Halifax– ask for a copy of my credit report, and tell them that hey, those two things? They’re a mistake. They’ll change it, but it will take SIX MONTHS for that change to show up on my credit rating.

SIX MONTHS.

Yes, and this is helpful how?

Rob, right now, is inventorying our groceries. I’m trying to figure out how long we can drive around on the 1/4 tank of gas that’s left. We’re basically fucked, and I’m very upset, because even though it’s not my fault because I can’t help being sick I still feel guilty.

Okay, that’s that for now. Thank you for reading the whining. Whee!

HERE IS A SONG! RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE AS! IT IS AN ANGRY SONG! SO LISTEN UP!

Yeah I’m gonna need even more good vibes from y’all — I’m about to start baking some bread.

I’ve done it before, I love doing it, but I’ve always made bread at my parents’ house with their huge kitchen table for the kneading. This apartment? Has about three inches of counter space, only one of which isn’t covered by the toaster.

We shall see, we shall see.