Who. The hell. Phoned our cellphone at 7 freaking 10 this morning and I wandered around the house for 10 minutes trying to find the damn phone and no we don’t have call display on the cellphone so when I found it it stopped ringing right before I answered and what the hell it is SATURDAY who is up at 7 freaking 10 in the MORNING????!!!! and of course I thought it was some kind of emergency with my dad so I couldn’t get back to sleep and phoned my mom (who usually wakes up at 6:30 every morning without fail) and she was like “What the hell are you doing calling at 7 freaking 10 in the morning? I was SLEEPING, dumbass! And your DAD is sleeping! So stop being a dumbass! Who the hell would call a person at ten after seven in the morning???” (all said, of course, in perfectly impeccable french) and I was like “Yeah. Me too.”
So that’s how my day started. And it got me to thinking. And my conclusion? From now on, I’m blaming everything that happens and I can’t find another explanation for? On crackheads. So, it must have been crackheads who phoned at 7 freaking 10 this morning. AND, it must have been crackheads who stole all my socks so I’m going around with cold feet. And for some reason, crackheads somehow wrangled it so that later, when I went to take a nap, I couldn’t sleep properly even though I was really really tired, and ended up tossing and turning for an hour and a half, and then sleeping all weirdly and having bizarre nightmares about people throwing themselves into fires and dancing around burning so it wasn’t really restful at all.
Stupid crackheads.
And now I must lead an investigation into the reason why Judd and Emilio, though they have plenty of food, water, hay, carrots, and any other thing they could possibly want to fill their bellies with, are both making noises like “Oh my GOD! We’re DYING! of STARVATION! PLEASE FEED US! DO you have any bacon? A cheeseburger? Maybe some poutine?”. And no, they don’t want cuddles or playing with, I go near them and they run and hide in their houses, and then make noise like ‘PLEASE DON’T COME NEAR US! JUST GIVE US FOOD! Maybe some Steak-ums? Pop tarts? We’ll settle for Doritos, if you don’t have any Fritos around”.
*Crams more Midol all up in her face*